


You're Not Mine, You Never Will Be Mine (Oh Darling, But I Am)

by mangosmoothiecoran



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: M/M, Shiro is a bit broken and makes a dumb mistake, Some angst, adam is not a villian, end game is shatt, gradual build up to end game, matt is a good friend who cares about his two best friends, the other paladins are here but not really mentioned, this is my take on matt's relationship with adam and shiro pre-kerberos and after
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-26
Updated: 2018-07-26
Packaged: 2019-06-16 17:10:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15441855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mangosmoothiecoran/pseuds/mangosmoothiecoran
Summary: (This is my take on Matt's relationship with Adam and Shiro pre-kerberos and after)Matt pined hopelessly from the sidelines. He wasn't one to intervene, he loved his friends, he would do anything for them; even if it meant breaking his own heart in the process. Things take a turn though when everything falls apart and forms into something else Matt never expected. He doesn't want to believe it though, it wasn't right, he wasn't that type of person; he cares too much to lose the other."He's not mine, he never will be mine." Accept the facts and move on.





	You're Not Mine, You Never Will Be Mine (Oh Darling, But I Am)

**Author's Note:**

> WOW okay so like this is sort of long and basically my small tiny baby. I'm a shatt shipper who is wondering where tf is Matt and crying over the fact that Shiro is a confirmed gay. I wanted to make a small thing about the relationship between these three because I personally feel that Matt pined after Shiro, but Shiro was engaged and therefore did nothing. I'm all for Matt being a good friend, and we all know he is not one to force Shiro to be with him or mess up an obviously amazing love. 
> 
> However, we all saw that hug and have seen how the two look at each other, so I cannot ignore the obvious fact that the two hooked up. (it happened don't boo me)
> 
> So with that, I hope you enjoy my contribution to the screaming fandom! This work is unbeta-d please excuse any mistakes

     When Matt first meets Shiro he knows he is screwed. Shiro, with his beautiful eyes, sculpted body, and charming personality causes the inner gay Matt to arise and put on a smirk as he shakes Shiro’s hand. He wants to say something, but doesn’t get the chance as another man joins them and loops his arm around Shiro’s waist. The man smiles, no jealousy or hate in his eyes, and merely introduces himself. Matt realizes then that Shiro is very gay, very taken, and very much in love.

     Life at the Garrison after meeting Shiro is eventful. Mainly due to the fact that Matt is the one causing the excitement. Matt instantly bonds with Shiro and his fiancée Adam. The three are an inseparable trio that go and do everything together. However, despite this, Matt third-wheels most of the time. He doesn’t get jealous, he doesn’t get angry, he doesn’t get sad, and he most definitely doesn’t wish it was him. Matt can’t hate Adam, and he can’t hate Shiro. The three just met, Matt is now the new best friend, but that’s all he’ll ever be.

     And Matt wouldn’t trade it for anything. He wouldn’t trade his dorm that’s three doors down from Adam and Shiro. He wouldn’t trade the late nights they spend drinking coffee and mulling over assignments and recruits. He wouldn’t trade movie nights, even if he is alone on the floor while Shiro and Adam take the couch. He wouldn’t trade to be in Adam’s place when he busts in their room wanting food and their in compromising positions. Matt keeps his distance, he keeps his feelings to himself, he values the relationship he has with the engaged couple so much that he’d rather cry alone in his room and call his sister who listens all night.

     This cycle that breaks Matt continues over the span of two years. It breaks him every day to wake up and meet Shiro and Adam for breakfast, and watch as they hold hands and kiss each other on the cheek. But it’s worth it when he sees them look at him with the love they could only give him as a friend. When they come to him for help on an assignment or for coffee creamer. Or times when they need fashion advice for dates because Matt has good taste. It’s especially worth it when they hug him at different moments and whisper that he’s a good friend, and they pull away and say that they love him. Yes, Matt thinks, that makes everything worth it.

* * *

 

     Things take a turn in the trio when Shiro is diagnosed, and he doesn’t accept it. Matt is there in the waiting room when it happens, Adam having called because Shiro’s arm had gotten worse; rising up towards his shoulder and causing unbearable pain and shakes. It’s a painfully long wait before Shiro walks out from the back and heads straight for the front entrance. Adam walks out a few seconds later and looks around the waiting room before spotting Matt and sighing. He rushes up to him and hugs him as if they’ll never meet again. Matt comforts him as the other breaks down, saying in between his sobs the doctor’s diagnosis and what will happen to Shiro.

     It takes Matt twenty minutes to calm Adam down, the other still shaken up however as he wipes his eyes with his sleeve. The two head out into the parking lot to look for Shiro but he’s gone. Since Matt drove, he drives himself and Adam back to the Garrison; they find Shiro in his and Adam’s dorm. Adam is still shaken up and doesn’t know what to say to Shiro; Matt heads in first instead. Shiro turns and faces him, Adam’s name on his lips. Stopping himself, he sighs and then smiles a bit, softly saying he’s glad it’s Matt.

     Matt lets Shiro talk and talk before he can’t say anymore. Shiro doesn’t want his life to be over, and Matt assures him it’s not. Adam comes in a bit later and him and Shiro hug and kiss, apologizing to the other before sitting back down on the couch with Matt third-wheeling again on the side. The couple go over what they can do, what Shiro can take to not be in as much pain, and how things will change now that Shiro has this diagnosis. Matt dares not to speak, only announcing his retreat when he senses that the couple will be retiring to bed soon. Shiro hugs Matt before he leaves, giving him a soft ‘ _you’re a good friend’_ then letting him walk out the door. Matt has to remind himself when he gets back to his dorm that Shiro is not his, never will be his, and that the coffee he hoarded sounds like a good idea at the moment.

* * *

 

     Time goes by quickly and before Matt realizes it has been six months since Shiro’s diagnosis. Matt senses tension growing between the couple as the two have conflicting views on what Shiro should and should not do. He knows tension will rise even more when Matt hears about his father’s mission to Kerberos. Because it is his father, Matt is the first person asked to go along. He can’t say no of course, it’s space! For crying out loud, Matt dreamed of the day he would be in the pilot’s seat with a crew and heading out into the universe unknown.

     It’s not till Matt is standing next to his father with Shiro across from them and Iverson that he knows right then and there that things will change. He knows when Iverson tells Shiro he shouldn’t go that he and Adam will clash ideas. He knows it happened when there’s a knock on his door later and Adam rushes in crying and throwing his bag against the wall. Matt holds his friend as the latter breaks down, asking why Shiro would do such a thing when he knows he’ll hurt himself. Matt can’t answer, so he simply lets Adam soak his shirt and eventually fall asleep.

     The next few weeks are a tense and exhausting time for Matt. Adam and Shiro aren’t talking and they come to Matt in their frustration and sadness. Begging Matt for answers both sides know he doesn’t have, and chugging down his coffee and soda supply because they can’t get ahold of anything else. Matt cries sometimes with them, sometimes he yells, and sometimes he simply can’t take it and waits till they pass out on his couch to call Katie and wonder what went wrong.

     In the midst of all the screaming and crying, Matt finds himself growing closer to Shiro. It isn’t intentional, Shiro and Adam come to him equally with their problems. Matt simply finds himself able to make Shiro more content than Adam, as Matt is going on the same mission Shiro is by default. Adam doesn’t yell at Matt for that though; doesn’t blame him, nor says he’s stealing Shiro away. He simply begs for Matt to watch over him, makes Matt swear he’ll bring him home. Matt does, he would do anything for his friends.

* * *

 

     The time for the launch comes sooner than expected. Katie is there to see him off and Matt gives her his glasses. Explaining that the Garrison performed laser eye surgery on him and he’s a 20/20 once again. Katie calls him a nerd and Matt knows he’ll miss this. Looking around the launch area, Matt notices Adam far behind him, hiding behind a few crates as he watches him. Adam gives a wave, tears falling from his eyes, and it takes everything in Matt not to cry as he waves back. Despite everything, he loves Adam, Adam is one of his best friends, and he can’t help the feeling inside of him that warns him not to get on the ship.

* * *

 

     The first night on the ship is met with silence. Matt stays near the main window and watches the stars pass by, counting each one to keep his mind steady. It’s only him, his father and Shiro having left hours ago. Matt hates when times like this arise, when he can’t sleep and his brain buzzes and bangs like a pinball machine. When he has to keep himself from scratching his body and pulling at his hair. When he has to bite his knuckles to force him back to reality and not into the darkness that makes him uneasy about the mission. The stars only help so much, and soon the nervous ticks start up. Matt forces himself to stop when he hears someone coming.

     It’s Shiro. He looks upset and in pain when he makes eye contact with Matt. Matt merely pats the spot next to him and the next few hours are spent talking about many things. Shiro talks about Adam, about how he wishes things ended better, and Matt talks about the ticks and the nervousness about the mission. Neither of them realize they pulled and all-nighter until Sam walks into the bridge and stares at the two with questioning gazes. Both mumble about not being able to sleep and no one speaks of it again.

     The nights go on after that and Matt and Shiro overcome their problems together. It’s slow, and Matt feels himself enjoying Shiro’s company in ways he shouldn’t. He pinches himself more than before to remind himself that Shiro is not his and never will be. Matt keeps his feelings down low, he never acts upon them, and he keeps his distance. Shiro is his friend, he loves him, and that is worth more than the feelings Matt has for him.

     The inevitable happens one night Shiro and Matt are in the kitchen. Their pressed up close next to the other, going over notes and calculations that will help them on Kerberos. Matt looks over at Shiro who is already looking over to him. It’s silent, deadly silent. Matt can feel Shiro’s breath on his skin and Shiro is so close Matt could reach out; but he doesn’t. Instead it’s Shiro who reaches out. The feeling of being kissed is on Matt’s lips before he even has time to register. Matt wants to kiss back, wants to put his hands in Shiro’s hair and pull him closer, but he doesn’t. Shiro is the one to want more, to want to go further, to move his hands and make Matt his. He stops though only a few seconds in and immediately gets up.

     Matt is angry, he has never been kissed before, and Shiro took it. He knows why he did it, and Shiro feels ashamed for the reason. Matt can’t find it in himself to be upset as he takes a deep breath and gets up as well. He pats Shiro’s back, tells him it’s okay, and that he’s not angry. Shiro cries, he cries so hard that Matt is afraid he’ll break. Eventually he stops, hugs Matt, and the two stay like that until Shiro feels complete enough to let go.

     After that, the two friends are better. They talk more, laugh more, grow more than they ever could back on earth. Matt thinks it’s because of the enclosed space, no room to really leave, that makes it easier to get closer. Matt also thinks that will be his downfall. There are many nights when Shiro wakes up covered in sweat from pain or a nightmare. He rolls out of his bed and shakes Matt awake, asking if he can sit next to him. Matt agrees, sits up, grabs Shiro’s hand, and massages the nerves in a desperate attempt to calm them down. Shiro always falls asleep, and Matt lays him down before falling back asleep himself.

     Soon Shiro doesn’t use a nightmare or arm pain as a reason to sneak into Matt’s bed. Sometimes he sneaks in and they talk when neither of them can sleep. Other times they simply need to be near someone and draw towards the other like a moth to a flame. It scares Matt as he sometimes lays awake staring at Shiro’s sleeping figure next to him. It scares him how much he has come to love this man who has stolen his heart in another way. Matt is so scared about his love towards this man that he cries to himself in those silent moments because the simple fact is ‘ _Shiro is not mine, he never will be’._

* * *

     Soon the crew make it to Kerberos and everything falls apart. Collecting samples lit Matt up like the Fourth of July. Everything was so calm and beautiful that when it ended, Matt wanted to smack himself for not listening to his instincts. The ship was huge. Huge and glowing purple as it seemed to turn on a vacuum and suck everything in its path. In the midst of all the chaos, Matt felt Shiro grab his hand as they ran.

     Darkness enshrouded Matt’s vision as he heard buzzing all around him. Shooting up from wherever he was laying, Matt tried to get a feel for what was around him. Finding a wall, the room was then lit up and Matt stumbled a bit as his eyes adjusted to the light. There was footsteps from outside wherever he was, and as Matt looked around, he saw Shiro laying on the ground wearing a thin purple vest and a black skin tight suit underneath.

     Matt didn’t care about what was happening, he didn’t care that some soldiers showed up in the room and started speaking to him, Matt ran to Shiro and checked his pulse. Tears flowed from his eyes as he felt it against his fingers. Shaking Shiro’s shoulders, Matt begged for him to wake up. His voice cracked a bit as Shiro groaned and stirred before his eyes opened and he shot up. The two friends looked at each other before hugging. Everything was going to be okay, Shiro was alright, and Matt was going to make sure nothing happened to him.

* * *

 

     Neither of them knew how long they had been imprisoned, it felt like years. The days passing went by uneventfully as they were fed and then left alone till it was feeding time again. To keep themselves occupied, the two friends would talk about anything they could. Many nights were spent watching the soldiers that would pass by frequently, and others huddled up together for warmth.

     Matt found himself falling for Shiro more and more as they stuck by each other in this captive state. Many times they were moved to other cells and other ships. Soon they were deported to a planet and then to an arena where they would be forced to fight an alien monster. Matt felt himself shake as he stood in the line waiting to be sent to fight. He knew he wouldn’t survive, he knew he would never see Shiro again, and he knew his family would never have a body to bury. So as he accepted his fate, accepted the hand that grabbed his arm and guided him towards the open arena, Matt didn’t expect the savage yell that came from Shiro.

     Shiro sounded so mad, so wild, so full of hate that Matt was scared. Shiro had grabbed one of the guard’s weapons and hit Matt’s leg. Matt screamed in pain as he fell to the floor, staring up at Shiro as he yelled while sitting on top of him. Who was this? Where was the Shiro he grew to care for? So many questions flooded Matt’s brain, but all died the second Shiro broke his façade and whispered ‘ _Take care of your father’._

     Matt reached his arm out as Shiro was pulled off him. Shiro did the same, neither were ready to say goodbye; too much hung in the air between them that needed to be said. Matt couldn’t read Shiro’s thoughts, he couldn’t scream his own, but Matt could read Shiro’s eyes and in that split second Matt knew that he had become his.

* * *

 

     Time passed again quickly for Matt as he saw his life flash before his eyes. The infirmary, his leg being replaced, the rebels, growing up, everything happened so fast that Matt almost didn’t believe his eyes when Katie appeared in front of him. Matt cried, Katie cried, and Matt felt nothing but pride when he heard what his sister was and everything she had done. She told him to come back with her, to meet her team, do more than stay in a hole. Katie didn’t even have to ask, Matt packed his gear and left with her. Right after they kicked some alien guy’s butt.

     Matt knew he made a fool of himself when he exclaimed loudly how beautiful Allura was. He couldn’t help it though, pretty people got him excited. However, time stopped when the crowd moved and Matt came face-to-face with Shiro. Every feeling and thought Matt had resurfaced and he felt like that scrawny little guy back in the Garrison three doors down from Shiro and Adam. He wanted to say so much, do everything he couldn’t do in his final moments, but the time wasn’t right. Matt had his family and a war to worry about, right now he would settle with a hello and a hug.

     The reunion didn’t last long as Matt found himself having to play out his rebel duties with his fellow comrades. Staying on the planet Olkari, Matt watched as the castle of lions flew away with his heart inside.

* * *

 

     What was about six months of helping out the Olkarians ended when the lions of Voltron showed up. Matt was one of the first to greet them and he laughed as he hugged his little sister. Not wasting any time though, Katie told Matt all that happened and that they were now heading back home to Earth. She wanted Matt to come along, to help them fight for their planet and their family, to see their family again. Matt, of course, agreed. Many of his friends agreeing to come along and help fight against whatever Galran threat remained.

     Cramped in the green lion, Matt and Katie babbled on about random nonsense. Much of it being about earth and what they would see and do. Matt wanted to see his parents, Katie agreed. Neither spoke of Shiro, Matt too scared to bring it up considering how much time had past. He would be lying if he said he didn’t think about Shiro. Everyday Matt thought about him and how much he missed out on. How their time together developed their friendship into something more; however, both too scared to act upon it. Katie seemed to read his mind, simply saying ‘ _talk to him’._ The time never came.

     Arriving on earth, the paladins landed at the Garrison. Met with Iverson and different students, Matt almost burst into tears when he locked eyes with Adam. Adam spotted Matt first, dropped what he was holding, and ran to him. Matt laughed as Adam practically jumped on him crying. The two friends exchanged many words and Adam couldn’t stop commenting on how much Matt had grown. Pulling away, Adam continued to cry as he smiled at his friend. Looking behind him and the other lions, Adam’s face fell as he spotted something. Matt looked behind him to see Shiro walking out from the black lion, eyes locked onto Adam as well.

     Adam let go of Matt as he ran to Shiro, actually wrapping himself around him as the two hugged and cried harder than Matt had ever seen them cry. The moment was beautiful and private, Matt tore his eyes away so as not to see what they would say or do. Instead, he focused on a hand that grabbed his and smiled as his sister gave him a knowing look and a sorry smile. Guiding him to a different section, Matt looked ahead to see his parents running at him. Katie gripped his hand tighter as she broke out into a run and caused Matt to stumble a bit as he tried to keep up with his sister.

     The Holt family reunion was met with many tears and words. Colleen smacked Matt and Katie’s cheek softly as she reprimanded them for being late to dinner. Matt couldn’t find it in him to remember Shiro and Adam, couldn’t be bothered to wonder what they were doing, or what they were saying, all that mattered in this moment was his family and their breathing synchronizing with his.

     Reunions ended too quickly as the threat of war on Earth shook everyone back to reality. Plans were instantly made, positions filled, and lions and ships sent out. Matt was put in charge of his rebel comrades, and he briefly passed by Shiro who gave him a lingering touch on his back. That small moment gave Matt all the courage he needed to lead his team with precision and determination. They needed to win, they would win, this war would end with this fight and peace will be restored.

* * *

 

     Soon the fighting ended. Sendak had been destroyed, Haggar disposed of, and any other small fleet against them gone. The thank you party lasted all night, and Matt slept for eighteen hours straight afterwards. When he woke up, there was a letter for him on the table next to his bed. It was from Shiro, Iverson made many different departments that would help in the restoration of places around the Garrison. Matt had been asked to help in engineering, flight tests, or anything architectural related. Getting ready for the day, Matt came into contact with Adam that night in a dock bay.

     It was the first time he and Adam would be officially talking upon Matt’s arrival back home. The two sat on some random boxes and talked about everything that happened. Matt talking more than Adam as Adam’s life was more mundane than Matt’s. When the topic of Shiro and his struggles came up, Matt broke down against his will and apologized profusely as he couldn’t protect Shiro. His failure to keep his promise made Matt cry even harder. Adam immediately hugged Matt and told him not to worry. He wasn’t mad, both of them made it back, and he knew Matt fought alongside Shiro every time they were together.

     Matt continued to cry, now not for breaking his promise, but for everything else he couldn’t cry for. He cried for the friends he lost, for the feelings he suppressed, and for not suppressing them enough. He knew he was still totally and helplessly devoted to a man that would never be his. Looking up at Adam, Matt noticed his expression was that of knowingness. Adam seemed to know exactly what Matt was thinking, seemed to understand the inner turmoil he was fighting with. Grabbing Matt’s hand, Adam looked into his eyes and said: “Shiro and I talked. We know we still love each other, and always will, but we don’t have the same connection that we used to have. I couldn’t give him one thing he needed, someone else did. I see it, there’s a love he never showed for me in his eyes when he looks at that one person.”

     Matt selfishly wished it was him. He selfishly wishes that Adam was referring to him and that Shiro was hopelessly devoted to him now. However, that was wishful thinking, and Matt just simply said he was happy for the both of them. Happy that they talked, happy that no hard feelings remained. The conversation ended soon afterwards. Matt, hugging Adam one last time, heard the familiar ‘ _you’re a good friend’_ line whispered into his ear before walking off to his temporary living quarters.

* * *

 

     It’s not long after Matt’s talk with Adam that he talks with Shiro privately. Shiro comes over to Matt’s temporary dorm and the two talk about what happened in space, and what’s going to happen now that they’re back home. Matt rambles, he rambles and feels like he’s back on the ship headed to Kerberos. Those nights spent filling the void as neither of them wanted to hear it. It’s different now though, Matt’s filling the void because he wants to ignore Shiro’s eyes on him and the way their so close together despite the large couch.

     Their thighs are flush against each other, arms grazing the other, and shoulders smooshed together. Its hot, Matt can feel sweat forming where Shiro is touching. He doesn’t dare move though as he finishes his rant on different ship plans and turns to look at Shiro. Bad idea on his part. Shiro floods Matt’s vision. His eyes, his jaw, his nose, his hair, everything is Shiro and Matt knows he so screwed. So screwed in the fact that he is addicted to a drug he can never have. Even as he sits on this couch with Shiro looking at him with a gleam in his eyes that Matt wants to believe; Matt looks away first and stares at the wall opposite to Shiro. ‘ _He’s not mine, he never will be mine, he never was mine.’_

* * *

     It’s two weeks later when Matt finds himself repairing different ships in his parents driveway. Living in a house on a spacious plot of land made it easy for Matt to have a lot of room to work with. He could have easily worked on them at the Garrison, but he wanted to be alone. As he stands in the sweltering desert sun, tank top soaked through as his hair clinging to his neck, Matt hears a motorbike off in the distant.

     It’s not unusual for motorists to come out in the desert and ignore the speed limit. What shocks Matt is that the motorist is heading straight for him and doesn’t seem to be stopping. Stepping off to the side, Matt watches the motorist become clearer and clearer before stopping right in front of Matt’s parent’s house. Once clearer to see, Matt makes out the form to be Shiro’s.

     Matt stands there as Shiro dismounts the bike and throws his helmet to the ground. He wants to ask why Shiro he is there, but doesn’t get the chance as Shiro closes the distance between them, grabs Matt’s face with his hands and kisses him. The kiss is desperate and needy, full of every emotion that has been bottled up for the past three years. Matt forgets how to breath as he runs his fingers through Shiro’s hair; tugging and pulling wherever he can.

     Shiro is the first to pull away. Catching his breath quickly, Shiro then proceeds to kiss every inch of Matt’s face. Panting, he says between kisses how much of an idiot Matt is. Matt knows, he knows he’s an idiot, he knows he should have made a move, but right now, he can only focus on Shiro. He can only focus on how good it feels to be in his embrace, to feel his hands on his hips, and breathe mingling with his.

     Matt can soon only focus on his kiss that meets his lips. How their bodies move together and combine as one. How he feels complete, and knows Shiro feels just the same.

**Author's Note:**

> I live for Matt being an amazing friend. Sorry for so many lines but I felt it necessary to represent a time skip of sorts.
> 
> Thoughts? Opinions? Hate it, love it? Drop a kudo or comment I would love to know what y'all think!
> 
> Come scream at me on my tumblr: @blackpaladincoran


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